


help, i've fallen and I can't get up

by vaguelyfestive



Series: help, i've fallen and i can't get up [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, crack ship, mild gun reference, mild religious slur, poop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-22 00:22:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1569167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaguelyfestive/pseuds/vaguelyfestive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama's dick is stuck, while Hinata has mysteriously disappeared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	help, i've fallen and I can't get up

Tanaka walked in to the locker room as normal, ready to fuck someone good. He found Kageyama with his dick stuck in some shit.  
"Dude, assist me with this genital conundrum! My super boyfriend, Hinata, is coming and I need to get my dick out of this shit!" yelled Tobio.  
"What's in your locker?" inquired Tanaka, in between staring at his bro's little problem, "Can we use something in there to fix it?"

"No!" wailed Tobio, reaching pitches only bats could hear. "I left my dick removal apparatus at home today!"

Ryuunosuke sighed. "I didn't want to do this bro, but there is only one way to fix this shit..." Tanaka grabbed Kageyama's dick. "NO HOMO BRO," he cried, tears of manly humiliation and joy leaking out of the corners of his eyes, overcome with emotions upon touching the setter's most private, sacred area.

Tobio fucking screamed like Jesus being BBQ'ed. "Bro, wat u doing," he shreiked excitedly, over the sound of his 13 inch cock hardening at supersonic speed. "I'M SORRY DUDE, BUT I HAVE, LIKE, THIS HECKA AWESOME PLAN," replied Tanaka in an equally energetic manner. "So, I jerk you off, and when you cum, it blasts your dick out of that pile of shit!"

Kageyama lit up his hecka dumb face with a smile like a kid given an air rifle for Christmas. "That's a great plan bro! Get at me." Kageyama thrust his hips back and forth in a burrowing motion, into the fist of the weeping Tanaka.

Tanaka yanked it for his brodudebuddy for six hours. Practice came, and went, and the other Karasuno members used the locker room while carefully sidestepping the mishmash of excrement and hormonal teenage boys laying on the floor in sordid embrace. Tobio's super boyfriend, Hinata, didn't actually end up showing up to practice, or to witness his darling's compromising situation. No one knows why.

When Tobio finally jizzed, it created a 8.3 magnitude earthquake across Japan, blasting him and Ryuunosuke into outer space, while handily cleaning his penis of poop. "Hinata gon' be so happy," whispered Kageyama, before being burned to a crisp upon re-entering the Earth's atmosphere.

Hinata was never found. Some believe that he was the one who somehow caused Tobio's dick problem in the first place. The world may never know.  
His best bro Tanaka was protected by the power of friendship. Who knows, he may still be out there, waiting to lend a hand to those in need...

**Author's Note:**

> i literally cannot believe i just wrote this


End file.
